Dear BabyMama with the Drama,
I know you feel an intense or passionate dislike seeing the man who destroyed your life live his best life. You hate the fact that he threw you out and now you vow to make him pay. I know it is wounding — but that doesn’t mean you are justified when you bring drama into his life.
One of the most virulent forms of bad parenting is when a mother talks to a child about their father being “a good for nothing… couch potato … deadbeat…” If you are no longer with the man, don’t take his children away from him and don’t keep them away from him as a form of revenge. Above all, don’t toxify the children towards their father. The end result of this can have a damaging effect on the father and child relationship. Your children are the ones who suffer in the end.
Boys are often facsimiles of their father. Fathers teach their sons how to model manhood. They teach them how to stand in our community. Sons learn how to give a strong handshake. They learn how to treat women.
Girls have a sense of entitlement when they have a dad. They are confident, bold, and assertive. They are protected and safe. Any man who dares to date this girl will have a fiery furnace to go through. Her father stands as a tower for her and she is safe. But failure for that girl to not have a father is a snare for her to be exploited. Men can take advantage of her because she has no father to safeguard her. To a daughter, a father is a prototype of what she will look for in a man. Psychologically, she will start to match up any man to her dad. Her father is her King.
Leave the kids out of it! Stop the drama! Move on!