“Get out of my pussy” is the title of one of the chapters of Gabrielle Union’s book, “We’re going to need more Wine.” In this chapter she vulnerably opens up about a wound that she had for a very long time, the infertility wound. She had eight or nine miscarriages. That’s enough pain for eight or nine people, let alone for one person to cope with. “For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant” she said.
I was always enamored of her talent and panache. Upon reading the book, I grew fonder of her, for her openness, her wittiness and her girl power as she invites us readers into her world. Prior to the book, however, what I didn’t know was that she was called “Nigger Nickie”, didn’t know she was sexually assaulted, didn’t know she wanted to have kids with Dwayne but couldn’t. I’m grief-stricken reading the pain inked in most pages of her book as she recants the ordeals that shaped and broke her at times. But you know what hurt me the most? Hearing and reading of the extreme level of vitriol, vicious, cruel and bitter criticism that people have been saying about her.
Recently, she posted a picture on social media, herself, her husband and her daughter. Captioning, “… excited to share that our miracle baby arrived last night via surrogate…” Yippee! This is an exuberant triumph for them. I’m happy for them. Some are happy as well and others are… critical…about what? About the fact that “she is wearing a hospital robe but she isn’t the mother.” “She is in the hospital bed like she had the baby.” “ She starves for her attention.” “She was too promiscuous.” She posted the picture but she “didn’t wash up nor brushed her hair.” Wait, what??? Hasn’t she endured enough? After all that this woman has been through the things we choose to give the paramount importance are the trivial things?
It is not just Gabrielle Union we come after; we go after Serena William’s eyebrows. We go after Gabrielle Douglas’ hair. We go after Kelly Clarkson’s weight. We go after pastor’s wives’ hats. We go after our neighbor’s promiscuous lifestyle. We go after the woman who doesn’t know how to raise her children. We go after the woman who stays in abusive relationship. We go after the woman is hooked on drugs. We go after woman who doesn’t know how to cook. We go after the married woman who keeps her last name. We go after the woman whose husband walked out on her. We go after the woman who had a child out of wedlock. We go after the woman who is overweight. We go after the woman who has rough skin. We go after the woman with eating disorder. We go after the woman with addictions. We go the woman who is black. We go after the woman who is Latina. We go after the woman who is Caucasian. We go after them all. My goodness… why are we doing this? We are destroying our community.
If the essence of this inspiration is still a bit unclear or obscure, know this, we are a body. When the head is aching, the foot isn’t happy about that. When one part of the body suffers an illness, the whole body suffers. If you can’t rejoice when people are rejoicing, remain neutral. Stop looking for every imperfection, stop looking for defection. We are quick to bash women without hearing her story. Before you judge any woman, buy her book, read her story, listen to her story. Please… Get. Out. Of. Her…. You know what … her business, her life.
Cheers to being stronger together!